Since I left my body I have been focusing part of my attention on a tiny house and its occupant. I talk to Donya and she writes down what I say. For a long time our conversations were quite secret and she wrote my thoughts in a series of notebooks that now fill a standard carry-on luggage bag. She likes the things I say and she likes the fact that I am as alive to her as I was when I was in my body. But she was afraid of what people would think if they knew she communicates with a dead guy, especially a sort-of- famous dead guy. Hey, if I wasn't famous before, I sure was after that incredibly expensive funeral. Zoweee!
Donya finally told a couple of her closest friends. And then some people she met online in groups of people who are interested in life-after-death and life-after-life and all things pertaining to the Afterlife. At first she just wrote about me. And copied our conversations but then at my insistence she let me talk to her friends the way I talk to her. I speak to her and she hears me in her head and writes down what I say. Her friends were so taken with my irrepresible charm that she allowed more people to join our group. She introduced me under the pseudonym, "Ben" to people on some of the Life-after-life sites and they persuaded her to start a website for me. Donya is new at this website stuff. She would be more comfortable copying illuminated manuscripts if her penmanship wasn't so henscratchy. She agreed to let me go public and have a website and twitter account and Facebook page on condition that we keep my real identity secret, at least for the time being. I have relatives and loved ones who are still living in the physical world and Donya doesn't want them to hear about me on Coast to Coast AM before they learn from me that I am alive and well and chatting about what it's like to be a non-local consciousness or as some are wont to say, a GHOST! (Boooo!)
And you might ask, why hasn't my family heard from me? Why am I chatting with
someone who is practically a total stranger when my loved ones are mourning my
sad and untimely departure. Actually my departure wasn't a bit sad for me, just
a huge relief. And the only thing untimely about it was that it hadn't happened
a whole lot sooner.
"I can haunt a castle for three hundred years over here and not even interrupt the poker game over there."
In fact I have tried very hard to contact my relatives. But they can't hear me. Either because they are too sad. Or because they don't believe it's possible to communicate from "beyond the grave" or they do believe, in which case I must be a ghost and that make me really SCARY. Donya might be able to contact them for me but maybe not. They are all sort of rich and famous and they have "people." to deal with mail and email and phone calls. As Donya points out, if she called and said, Hello I am communicating with your late, dearly departed husband/brother/father/
son/lover etc. they would probably think she is a crackpot or worse. So I shall keep trying to communicate with them myself in all the ways we ghosty peeps have at our disposal. And I will tell them to look for Ben Conrack and he will have a message for them.
The reason why this article is titled I'm Being Present But I'm Not Really Here has to do with people asking me why I'm stll here. Like shouldn't I be in heaven or the alternative or following the White Light or something? Am I here stuck here, earthbound, like wretched Jacob Marley rattling the chains he forged in his miserable miserly life.
NO, no, no. I have been to the mythical "other side" which I refer to as the Timeless, Spaceless place. I have done all the things you do during a life-between- lives and I can and do go back any time I want to. As I delight in telling my friends I can haunt a castle here for three hundred years without interrupting the poker game over there. Of course I don't haunt castles, just Donya's Tiny House. And I don't play poker. But I could. There is an old saying that physics students used to write on restroom walls: "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once." But in the Timeless Spaceless place there is no time. So everything can and does happen at once. So while it seems to some people that I have been hanging around for a long time since my alleged death some nine or ten months ago, it hasn't been any time at all for me. I haven't missed a single meeting, party, picnic, choir practice or family reunion even as I have persuaded Donya to spend enormous amounts of time being my amanuensis.
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."
There are several reasons why I am still "here." One,of course, is that I'm still trying to get a message to my loved ones. Especially my brother. He and I used to fight a lot and I want him to know it really is okay now. All is forgiven. No debts, no regrets.
The other reason I am still here is that I'm having fun. I love being out of my body. I was in a lot of pain for a long time. When I realized I was free and could go anywhere I want and feel good all the time I decided to enjoy it.
I also realized that it could be important to people to realize what I learned about my consciousness and consciousness in general. Consciousness is not dependent on a physical body for its existence. A consciousness that is not attached to a body is not a ghost or a spook or anything supernatural. It's just itself. Nothing has changed-- at least nothing important.
Donya is going to have her own blog page pretty soon where she can talk about me and tell you what a pleasure it is to have her very own Ghosty Boy haunting her.