In the first place I want to say that dead people have gotten a bad rap. If you hear from us we are spooky and creepy ghosts or spirits and if you don't hear from us we are the "dearly departed" who have nothing better to do than rest in peace.
In the second place I want to say that I loved life. I loved my life and I loved life in general. I did not want to leave and I fought with every ounce of strength I had to recover from that nasty illness so I could go on living and loving and creating and enjoying the cities and the mountains and the forests and the beaches and the oceans and the rivers and streams of this beautiful planet. And I will honestly admit I was afraid. Nobody wants to admit they are afraid to die, but come on, we have all heard the stories of what awaits for those of us who were no better than I was. I wasn't real real bad. But I wasn't real real good either. And I wasn't sure if they would be grading on a curve.
This is my first blog entry on my Zen of Ben website. I hope to share more of my thoughts on an ongoing basis. Donya will continue to post excerpts from her notebooks and from online discussions we have joined. The most important message I want to convey to you is that you don't have to be afraid to die. There are wonderful adventures still ahead. The other thing I want to tell you is that you don't need to grieve nearly as much as you think you do when someone else dies. Of course you miss the physical presence of those you love and there are serious practical difficulties when someone loses a parent, child or a spouse. Donya posted a description I gave her of what I went through when I realized I was about to die before I had finished making arrangements for my young daughter to be provided for. It was terrifying and very painful. The painful part was having to come back into my body. But once I had my affairs in order and was free to depart, the sense of relief I felt was beyond the power of words to descibe. Come back soon and I'll tell you more. xo BEN