Me: Jeff, how can I help?
J: Tell me how to save my daughter.
Me: What's her problem?
J: My daughter is a scientist.
Me: That's nice.
J: It's terrible. She is trying to prove that there is no God.
Me: Why would she want to do that?
J: She thinks/believes the church is helping to teach against scientific investigation. It's her love of science that will condemn her to hell.
Me: Why do you think she will go to hell?
J: Her mother is in hell.
Me: I doubt that.
J: It's not your place to doubt. If someone is in hell it's because they sinned and they deserve to die.
Me: Dying isn't the same as hell.
J: It is if you are a blasphemer and a heretic and a sinner against God.
Me: You're very worried about your daughter.
J: Yes. I want her to be happy in the love of God.
Me: And God won't love her if she is a scientist?
J: God loves everybody but can't be responsible for those who reject his love.
Me: Where are you now?
J: I'm in a great empty room/chamber/entry way/foyer. It's the open place in front of the entrance to heaven.
Me: Do you love your wife?
J: She was my life. I loved her almost as much as I loved God.
Me: But you think she is in hell?
J: She left the church and took our daughter.
Me: Jeff, you should listen to your wife.
J: How can I? She is burning in the eternal flames of hell.
Me: Maybe Ben can help.
B: I'm Ben. Jeff, I"m going to get your wife and let her talk to you. Okay. This is Marilyn.
J: Is that you, Marilyn?
M: I'm your wife. You need to stop worrying and come home.
J: You're not my wife! You're a demon, sent to deceive me. I forbid you to come one step nearer. REVEAL YOURSELF, DEMON!
M: I knew he was going to go there.
R: He's working hard to sustain his lifelong belief system.
M: I thought he would be able to see the truth once he left his body.
R: They usually do when they see the light. But he isn't look at the light. He is looking back at his life.
M: Jeff, I'm over here. Look at me.
J: Get thee behind me Satan!
M: I am behind you. I want you to turn around.
M: I want you to see where I came from.
J: I see light out of the corner of my eye-- the fires of hell!
M: Jeff, look at the light. Just take a peek.
J: That looks like my father-- waving. He's beckoning me. He's a demon too! He's trying to lead me astray.
M: Jeff, there are no demons except the ones you create.
J: I learned about demons from my sainted father, a good and pious man who did not spare the rod in his efforts to bring me up in the knowledge and love of God.
M: Jeff, your father was sick and abusive. He lived in fear and he raised you in fear. I wasn't going to allow you to do that to the child we both love.
J: If he is so bad, what is he doing in Heaven?
M: He is in the Timeless Spaceless Place. It isn't heaven unless he chooses to make it heaven.
J: This is a deception to steal my soul.
M: Why would anyone want your soul? It's kind of beat up and worn out.
J: You don't know.
M: What would it take to get you to come with me? How many of your friends and relatives would it take?
J: There aren't enough. I would only go with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
M: Oh brother. Jesus?
JC: Hi, I'm Jesus. How are you, Jeff?
J: I'm... Wow! Is it really you Jesus? NO! You're not Jesus. You are a demon, sent to lead me astray.
JC: Look at my eyes, Jeff.
J: No! You'll hypnotize me.
JC: Jeff, look at me.
J: NO NO NO! Ow! What did you do that for?
JC: Sometimes you just need a good smack on the head.You're not listening.
J: I know what I believe.
JC Obviously. And you think there is a vast network of evil conspiring to put you in hell.
JC: What is it like?
J: Endless lakes of fire, boiling lava, nauseous smells, screams of the tormented.
JC: Okay. You got it. Here's your hell.
J: Aggggh! I'm in hell. I'm burning in flames that give no light, only heat. Aggggh. The pain, the agony. Oh God, I know I was too evil to be worthy of heaven but oh God please in thy infinite Mercy, let me out. But I know thou canst not, for thy word cannot be broken. I am condemned for ETERNITY!
JC: He goes on and on, doesn't he?
M: That's what he does.
JC: How long, do you think?
M: I don't know. He's the stubbornest man I ever met.
JC: Okay. Jeff, can you hear me? Stop screaming for a second, okay? Listen we're going to go back to the party. When you're ready to join us just come on over.
M: Bye, Jeff. See you later, I hope.
J: Oh, woe is me.
B: How's it going, Jeff?
J: "How's it going"? I'm burning in a lake of eternal fire.
B: Yeah, but besides that. Does it hurt?
J: Uh. No not really.
B: You don't have a body. No way to feel pain.
J: It's the spiritual pain -- the knowing that I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of the God of love and mercy.
B: You feel guilty enough to burn forever?
J: Not really. I never thought I was that bad. I really tried. I'll tell you one thing. If I love someone I would not punish them forever. I never made my little Susan sit in her corner for more than few minutes. As soon as she said she was sorry I would let her come out. And I would hug her. Because I loved her and I hated to punish my little darling.
B: And you are more merciful than God?
J: God is divine. God holds us to higher standards... Oh crap. I feel stupid. I'm standing here in a lake of fire surrounded by little demons with pitchforks. They look like the Small World characters from Disneyland dressed up for Halloween. How long have I been here?
B: I dunno. A couple centuries maybe.
J: It's really boring. Did he say there was a party?
B: Yeah. Want to go?
J: Can I?
B: He said to come on over.
J: Can I just walk out of here?
B: Try it.
J: Ha! I'm walking out! Where should I go?
B: Walk toward the light.
J: I see it! I see the light! I see the party! I see everyone I ever loved.
Wake-up pages Aug. 28, 2014
Today's visitor is Carly
C: I want someone to tell me I'm not evil.
Me: Are you evil?
Me: Why do you need someone to say it?
C: Because I died by taking my own life.
Me: You committed suicide?
C: Yes. I wanted to get away from my parents.
Me: Abuse or drama?
C: I was put in the basement and I was told I would be whipped if I cried or escaped or anything.
Me: That definitely sounds like abuse.
C: They said I was evil and I must be confined away from human beings.
Me: You were alone all the time?
C: No. I...
Me: Something sexual?
C: My father forced me to have sex with his friends.
Me: You were raped?
C: Yes. But I couldn't say it. I was to pretend I wanted it.
Me: How long did this go on?
C: I was thirteen in the beginning. I died when I was sixteen.
Me: How did you die?
C: I found some pills. One of the men lost them. He was supposed to take them and he left them.
Me: Do you know what they were?
C: I think they were for his heart.
Me: Carly, I am quite certain you are not evil.
C: I'm glad. I wanted to be nice.
Me: I'm going to call Ben. ///// Ben, this is Carly.
C: Donya said I'm not evil.
B: I'm so sorry you suffered in your 3D life. It's time for it to be Done.
C: I wish my parents didn't hate me.
B: They were not well. Sometimes these things happen to people. I'll take you home and you can be treated for your pain and trauma and start a new plan.
C: I can have a new life?
B: Of course. I would hate to think we only get one life and this was yours. That wouldn't make sense at all.
C: Can I have a life with a park or a playground?
B: You bet. Ready?
C: I'm ready.
Wake-up Pages for Aug. 26, 2014
Our visitor is Linn.
Me: Hi Linn. How can I help?
L: I need to find my shoes.
Me: Your shoes?
L: Yes. I can't go anywhere if I don't have my shoes.
Me: Where did you leave them?
L: In the hospital I think. But I looked and I couldn't find them.
Me: I don't think dead people actually need shoes.
L: I'm not dead, am I?
Me: I think you are.
L: Oh. Well. Then I guess I don't need shoes. But I did like those. They were my favorites.
Me: Sorry. But maybe somebody else can use them now.
L: I guess.
Me: Are you ready to move on now?
L: I guess. Where do you go?
Me: To the Timeless Spaceless place, where everything is possible.
L: Even new shoes?
Me: There is an old song about wearing golden slippers to walk the golden streets.
L: Are the streets really paved with gold?
Me: I don't know. But Ben says that whatever you want is possible. I'll get Ben to tell you.
B: Hi Linn. I'm Ben.
L: I want my shoes.
B: You can have all the shoes you want. In the TSP you think it and it happens.
L: I don't know if I can make any as nice as those. They were really special.
B: Okay, Linn. You're dead. You have no feet. You need to go to the TSP and manifest new TS shoes.
L: Are you sure? I really liked those. They cost a lot.
B: Do you know where you are?
L: It looks like a shoe box. Inside of a shoe box.
B: Do you see anybody else wearing shoes?
L: I don't see anybody at all.
B: Look at my feet. Do you see shoes?
L: I see sort of sparkly....cloud-like.... No.
B: Okay. You are in the gray space. You can't go back to your shoes.
L: Why not?
B: Because you are dead, You no longer fit in a body.
B: But you can't move forward as long as you keep clinging to the past.
L: Oh. Well I wish I could at least give them to somebody.
B: People are supposed to do that stuff before they die.
L: I didn't think I was going to die.
B: No. Of course you didn't. I know how that is. Okay. I'll arrange a coincidence.
L: That nice nurse that I liked!
B: I'll arrange for her to go shopping at the thrift store the day your shoes arrive.
L: And she'll buy them! She did, she really liked them. I wish now I had given them to her. But of course...
B: You didn't know you were going to die.
L: Okay. I guess I'm ready to go now. How do we get there?
B: Just come along with me. Now look ahead. What do you see?
L: Light! No. Lights. A sign. A sign all in lights. It says, Giant Shoe Sale!
Wake-up Pages visitor on 8/25/14 was Louise.
Me: What can I do for you, Louise?
L: I wish I were dead.
Me: Aren't you?
L: I'm... I'm..well... Shoot. I'm dead and it didn't solve a thing.
Me: Did you kill yourself, Louise?
L: I did. I shot myself with my husband's revolver.
L: I figured he was going to do it sometime; I might as well get it over with.
Me: He was violent?
L: He was. He was a monster.
Me: You have kids?
L: No thank heaven. Just the two of us in a marriage made in heaven.
L: What do you think? Bastard beat the shit out of me.
Me: Would it have made more sense to kill him?
L: He'll be fine.
L: I wrote a note and posted it on Facebook telling what he's been doing and why I killed myself. I also sent it to our attorney.
Me: With a little more planning you probably could have framed him for murder.
L: Sheesh. I'm dead. He'll be blamed. That's enough.
Me: So why haven't you crossed over?
L: I didn't know there was any place to cross over to.
Me: You thought there was nothing after you died?
L: Sure. I certainly wanted nothing.
Me: No. You get to start over.
L: Swell. Do I have to live with that MF and let him beat the crap out of me again?
Me: No. You get to choose. You work things out with your soul mates and develop a new plan.
L: I don't know. I don't want to do it again. I didn't like my life.
Me: I'll get Ben.
B: Hi Louise. I'm Ben.
L: What are you?
B: A dead guy.
L: I want to be dead.
B: I'm as dead as it gets.
L: I want to be dead so I don't know anything.
B: You have to be alive to be unconscious. And that kind of unconsciousness isn't 100%. Consciousness endures.
L: Crap. What do you have to do to get out of a lousy marriage?
B: I think it's time for you to visit the Marriage & Partnership Counseling Center in the TSP.
L: I don't know.
B: They'll help you find the right partner for your next incarnation.
L: Do I have to reincarnate?
B: No. But you will probably want to. You can take some time off and sip Mai Tais and tan by the pool. But even that gets boring after a while.
L: They have Mai Tais?
B: It's a timeless, spaceless place where everything is created from thought. Like here, only a lot faster.
L: What if I think about something bad?
B: Too much positive energy around you. Negative energy is diluted and purified.
L: The Mai Tais sound good. But I could stand to lose some weight before I show up in a bikini.
B: You've already lost all your weight. You can start over and build a whole new body. The way you want it.
L: No fooling? I could like that.
B: Want to go? I'll show you the way.
L: Okay. I'll need to go shopping. Do they have stores?
B: Of course. If that's what you decide to create.
L: I want a cute little boutique with all sorts of one-of-a-kind accessories.
Wake-Up Pages visitor for 8/24/14 is Pete.
P: I want someone to help my dad.
Me: Are you okay?
P: I'm in the TSP. I'm fine. But my dad. He died in Vietnam. He won't quit. He wants to win.
Me: Are you a soldier too Pete?
P: I am yes. Was. But we were prepared.
Me: What do you mean?
P: Dad believed that America always won and was always right. We knew that we were fighting for oil and that we don't always win. We knew we weren't going to get parades or the thanks of a grateful nation. For my generation it was a job.
Me: A job?
P: Yeah. Like when you go to work in a mine or a factory. You know you are risking your health and your life to make someone else rich. You may even be helping them do something you don't want like tearing down your favorite trees or polluting your fishing river. But if that's all there is, you do it and hope you survive until you can get something better.
Me: That's how your generation views war?
P: Maybe not my entire generation. Maybe just me. Some still think that everyone who puts on a uniform is fighting for freedom. And we can still feel patriotic. Sometimes. And some of us have a sense of duty and go where we are sent. But we aren't as naive about it as my dad was.
Me: So what's going on with your dad?
P: He's in Vietnam. He's dead and he won't leave.
Me: I'll see if Ben can help.
B: Pete, I'll see if I can talk to your dad. What's his name?
B: Hello, Peter. I"m here to help.
Pr: We're going to win.
B: Peter, the war is over.
Pr: Not until we win.
B: Peter. Listen to me. You're dead.
Pr: Stupid! Who are you anyway?
B: I'm a ghost.
Pr: Hey you look just like that singer. Massachusetts. I love that song. I'm from Delaware but I love that song about Massachusetts.
B: Do you think about the words?
Pr: It's about going home.
B: Do you want to go home?
Pr: Yes. But not until my job is done. The war isn't over.
B: Your part is. You gave everything.
Pr: I want to win.
B: Sometimes you have to be satisfied with doing the best you can. Don't you want to be with your son?
Pr: I have a son?
B: He grew up to become a soldier. He wanted to honor your memory.
Pr: I didn't know I had a son.
B: He is waiting to meet you.
Pr: I don't want to quit. I want to win.
B: Peter, it was a war that couldn't be won. You deserve to rest now and meet your son.
Pr: It couldn't be won?
B: It wasn't a traditional war. You gave your best.
Pr: It's over?
B: It's been over for a long time. Come to the Timeless, Spaceless place with me, Peter, and meet your son.
Pr: I don't want my son to be ashamed of me. I'm not a quitter or a loser.
B: Ask him.
P: I'm proud of you, Pop. When I was a kid I wanted to be just like you. Mom showed me your medals and said you were a hero. I wanted to be a hero too.
Pr: What was the point?
B: Take your dad home, Pete. You'll have lots to talk about in the TSP.
Pete and Peter start to exit and Peter turns around.
Pr: Hey, Ghost.
Pr: We didn't win?
Pr: Did communism take over the world?
B: Not really. In fact the Soviet Union Collapsed a few years after the war ended.
B: Bad business model I guess.
Pr: Then we did win.
B: That's one way of looking at it. So long fellas.
Today's Wake-up Pages visitor is Doris.
D: I'm Doris and I want help.
Me: How can I help, Doris?
D: I want some friends.
Me: Where are you?
D: In a dark, creepy, gray world.
Me: And you want friends there?
D: I think my friends should come and visit me in the dark gray world.
Me: Why don't you just go where they are?
D: If they cared about me they would come here.
Me. I think they want to be in a good place and want you to go there.
D: I'm sad. I'm not in a good place at all.
Me: Why are you sad?
D: I'm DEAD! I want to be alive.
Me: Why didn't you cross over?
D: I'm here. I'm in the gray station.
Me: Didn't anyone come to take you home?
D: Oh sure. Some tacky people. Ancestors or something.
Me: Are your parents alive?
D: I HATE THEM!
M: But you have friends.
D: Yes. I have friends. Classy rich friends who like me and make me feel nice.
M: Are they alive?
D: No I thought they could come to get me and we could have cocktails and dress up and be fun.
Me: I'd better get Ben.
B: Hi Doris, I'm Ben. I'm here to help.
D: I'm disappointed that my friends aren't here with me.
B: They've all moved to a snootier address. You should go find them.
D: I can't.
B: Why not?
D: I'm here.
B: You don't have to stay here.
D: I have too much baggage.
B: Just leave it.
D: I don't know.
B: Okay. What if I go get one of your friends for you?
B: Who do you want?
B: Okay Doris, Signe is here.
S: Doris, Sweety, what are you doing in this swamp? Come on. We're having a great time in the TSP. Everybody from the old crowd is there.
D: Everybody? Even Dick?
S: Yes. Even Dick.
D: I don't want to see him.
S: Darling, you just have to get over it. Nobody hates anybody any more.
D: That makes no sense.
S: It will when you get there. The life we lived is the one that makes no sense.
D: Are my parents there?
S: They sure are.
D: I hate them.
S: You won't.
D: How can I not hate them?
S: You'll see who they are and who you are. (Pause) Come on; trust me. Just quit being in control and come with me.
D: What if I hate it?
S: If you do I'm sure they'll let you come back here to this awful dark place. Honestly, Honey, it looks like the inside of a sewer or something. Come home.
D: Well. Is there anything to drink there?
S: Ha ha. Anything you want.
D: Lemon drop martini?
S: It's waiting for you. Come on there is a party about to happen.
D: What kind of party?
S: The big Doris-Finally-Got-Over-Herself party.
The two link arms and start off toward a distant light.
B: Good bye, Ladies. Have a good afterlife.
22 August at 17:13 · .
Today's visitor is Tim. He said he needs to find his brothers.
I asked if they were dead or alive?
He said, "I'm dead."
I said, "Yes."
He said, "I want to find my brothers."
I said, "Are they dead?"
He stammered and scribbled for a while. "I ....I..... Yes. They are.
I told him he needs to go to the Timeless Spaceless place. More stammering and scribbling. I'm not sure whether he was having trouble focusing or I was. I started using Julia's suggestion of talking out loud to him even though I don't normally do that when I'm writing. I also used his name a lot to get his attention.
Tim. I'm listening to you. Why aren't you in the TSP?
"I wanted to be with my brothers in the war."
You were in a war?
"I was in a war in Afghanistan."
And where were your brothers, Tim?
"Already dead. I joined because I wanted to be (stammering and groping for words) in their company. I didn't want to be the one left behind."
The one survivor?
"I thought I should take the same risks they did, win or lose."
Tim. How many brothers do you have?
"Five. I"m the youngest."
Are you ready to go to the TSP now, Tim?
You don't want to leave them?
"I can't. They have no sons."
Ben talks to Tim and offers to take him to his brothers in the TSP. Tim resists.
"I want to take care of my parents. I really thought I would be back. I wasn't supposed to die. I promised them I would come home."
Ben says, "Tim, they're proud of you. It's hard to lose all your sons but they are happy you are all together. Their boys."
"I have to tell them I'm here."
B: "Come to the TSP and plug into the Source. You will be able to talk to them from the Source."
"Will they hear me?"
B: "If they are open and want to."
"Mom said she heard from Ted when he died. I thought she was sad/crazy (words jumbled together.) But it made her happy. Happier. She wasn't happy but it was better."
B: "Let's go find your brothers."
"Okay," "Is that them?" "I see them in the Light!"
20 August at 14:37 ·
Today's Wake-up Pages visitor is Dolores. She told us she was waiting for her husband. She expected him to meet her when she died. She said that some people actually did come to meet her but she didn't want to go with them--just Walter. I asked her why she thought Walter didn't come for her and she said probably because he was with his second wife and he doesn't want her where they are. Ben assured her there is room for everyone in the TSP. "But he has another wife." Ben assured her that there are no wives or husbands in the TSP, at least not the way we think of them on earth. Dolores said she thought her husband would realize, after he died, that he had been wrong and he shouldn't have left her for that bitch. Ben said, "He did come to get you when you died, didn't he?" Dolores said, yes, he did. "But he brought her with him and I wasn't about to go someplace with him and his second wife. Ben said, "She was his wife. But she was your mum in another life time. She was a friend and a fellow soldier in another." Dolores said, "Oh." Ben said, she came to help you cross over because she's part of your soul family." Dolores said, "Oh." "Then she said, "Shoot." Then she said, "I didn't like her." Ben said," You have to look past who she was in this life." Dolores said, "Shoot. I thought he would come back for me without her."
Ben said, "I don't think he will." Dolores said, "Shoot. Does that mean I have to stay here forever?" Ben said, "No. I'll take you home to the TSP." Relieved, Dolores says, "Really?" Ben says, "Yes but you won't like me either. I'm the girl your husband had an affair with before he met his second wife." Dolores says, "Really? No you're joking. I get it." Ben says, "Yes, I"m joking. And if you can laugh you're half way home." Dolores says, "It was all a joke, wasn't it?"
18 August at 16:51 ·
Today's Wake-up Pages visitor is named Gandolf or Gandolph?
B: It's Gandolph.
Me:Okay. Thank you.( He said he is not "that" Gandolph.)
B: His parents gave him a funny name for a kid but he is going to have the coolest old-man name in the nursing home. (Well, he would have...)
In any case he said he was in a car accident. He didn't cross over because he thought he was asleep. Some people came to escort him to the TSP but he told them to go away because he was sleeping and he was going to wake up pretty soon.
I asked him if anyone was waiting for him over there and he said his dad. But he was pretty sure his dad hadn't planned to see him this soon.
He says now he wishes someone would come and take him to wherever he is going. He adds, "I hope it's nice." Ben offers to take him to his dad. Suddenly Gandolph shouts, "There he is! In the sunshine! In the light! I'm in the light too! I'm so happy! I love being in the World of Light!"
17 August at 14:18 ·
Today's Wake-up Pages visitor is Dino. He said he was upset because he was late for his mother's party. A going-away party. It seems that everyone had agreed that when it was time for Mom to die they would give her a happy send-off. But when he got the call, Dino started to cry and couldn't stop. He finally got in the car and started driving even though he was still sobbing. He swears he didn't commit suicide. He would never do that. It was an accident. There was some sort of heavy construction equipment near the hospital and he ran into it. Now he feels really bad because his mother died and he wasn't there. Ben appears and tells Dino to dry his tears. He tells him that his mother is in the TSP and so is he. Ben offers to walk with him to where his mom is. Suddenly Dino is able to see where he is. "IT's AMAZING! I didn't know it would be like this. I'm happy my mom is in this beautiful place." And Ben says, "And now you are here too." And Dino starts shouting, "MOM! Mom, I'm here!"
I'm Donya. I write with and about Ben who claims to be "an ordinary dead guy." Our Wake-up Pages are an opportunity for people who might need help "crossing over" to tell us their stories and get a little boost.