Upon reading Julia Assante's book, The Last Frontier I became convinced that talking to dead people can be good for you, to the point of being therapeutic. I'm not sure this story applies but it seems related. I wake up most mornings feeling a combination of sad, anxious, and depressed with a touch of dread and foreboding mixed in. No wonder I hate mornings. Now I know I pick up other peoples's feelings in crowds and groups and I avoid them except for rare brief occasions. I didn't realize until recently that there are probably all sorts of crowds of people around me that I can't see even when I'm not in a visible crowd. This morning about five seconds after I realized I was conscious I felt the familiar sinking feeling. Only this time I said indignantly, "Who is doing that? What do you want?" I didn't get an answer but the awful feeling stopped. Abruptly. STOPPED. It often takes me until mid-afternoon with a truckload of caffeine to shake that feeling, but this happened instantly. As I was drifting back to sleep I heard a voice saying Morning Pages, Morning Pages, Morning Pages. When I woke up about half an hour later, feeling remarkably cheerful, I realized it has been a long time since I have written morning pages and I remembered all the beneficial side effects they used to have. So I picked up a pen and notebook and started writing in longhand before even turning my computer on.
While I was writing I asked who was bumming me out and making me feel afraid and someone named Billy (?) /donyas-blog-spritzies-and-phyzzies.htmlsaid I have too many plastic grocery bags in my house. He said I should put them in the recycle bin. I said I would do that. And I did.
My first attempt at morning pages was not a blazing success. I was distracted by my sister talking on her cell phone outside my window. Even so, in addition to the little boy, I did hear from someone, apparently a woman, who thinks I should move to San Francisco. I told her I would be happy to do that when I can afford it. She said when I get the winning lottery ticket I can. I agreed to do that
The purpose of Morning Pages is not to talk to spooks. The idea was introduced by Julia Cameron In her book, The Artist's Way, which I read back in the 1990s. The purpose of starting every morning by freewriting three pages of anything is to clear your head and get all the cluttery thoughts out so you can focus on your proper creative writing or painting or whatever. I've also found MPs to be a good preparation for meditation. And sometimes a source of inspiration for new creative projects or new approaches to old problems. However if other people's thoughts are what is cluttering up my mind, I guess getting them cleared out is a legitimate part of the process.
After two mornings I realized that I am happier if I listen to the disembodied people who want to talk to me than if I try to ignore them. But not before I'm ready. 11:00 is reasonable. 5: 00 am is not. At this point I would much rather talk/listen to dead people than let them hang around creating unfocused anxiety. I'm getting the idea that we all have dead people hanging around all the time. And some of them want our attention for various reasons. I'm willing to give them that if they will observe some boundaries. And rules. No one is allowed to bum me out. Anyone who wants my attention must wait for morning pages.