Bill H. Hates the Gray Space.
From Tue Sept 30, 2014
BH: I'm Bill.
Me: Are you the same Bill as before?
BH: That would be ridiculous. If you had another Bill here he would not likely be back.
Me: Okay. Can we use an initial to distinguish you from other Bills?
BH: I'm Bill H.
Me: Thank you. Now what can we do for you?
BH: Get me out of this CRAPshoot.
Me: Crapshoot? Like a gamble?
BH: A gamble that I lost. I just didn't realize how lopsided the stakes were.
Me: Where are you?
BH: Hell I suppose. Although it isn't traditional at all. More like being in a big concrete bunker than anything in the literature about hell. No circles, no demons, no extravagant punishments. Just this big empty gray ( ).
Me: So it's just space but not really space.
BH: Yes. There's nothing to see or do. It's worse than empty.
Me: You'd like to go someplace else?
BH: It's so empty here. You can't even say "mile after mile" because there are no miles.
Me: You'd like to go someplace better.
BH: Gray. It's so gray. Not even a kind of gray. It's not slate gray or dark gray or charcoal gray or light gray or asphalt gray or any kind of gray you can name. It's not just not black or white or any color or anything. It's just gray.
Me: You want to go some place better?
BH: There's no sound. Only it isn't silence either. It's like having a refrigerator running all the time only louder, only you can't hear it. But it keeps you from hearing anything else either.
Me: Ben, can you talk to Bill H.?
B: Bill, I'm Ben. I'm the crossing guard.
BH: Hi Ben. I'm in a horrible place. It's so dark. But not really dark. It's more like light that doesn't illuminate anything. Maybe because there is nothing to illuminate. It's not like dark that could be improved by light. It's more like fog that hides everything and you could drive into trees or off of cliffs without seeing them only there aren't any trees or cliffs or anything.
B: Bill. Stop!
B: Stop talking about where you are.
BH: But it's so gray and bleak and depressing and...
B: Stop talking about where you are.
BH: But it's so terrible. I never imagined I'd be someplace like this. It's like sensory deprivation torture. I've heard they do that to prisoners of war-- you know deprive them of any sights or sounds until they go crazy. That's what it's like-- nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing even to smell. It's just Nothing.
B: Bill, Shut up!
B : Do you want to go someplace better?
BH: Of course. Who wouldn't? There's nothing here. It's just endless wasteland only there's no land. It's like trackless desert only there's no sand.
B: Bill. SHUT UP!
BH: Well you don't have to be rude.
B: Bill, look at me. Do you see me?
B: What do you see?
BH: Skinny guy, silly clothes, bright colors, huge hair. Like a girl. No more like a hippie. Colorful suit. I think your shirt is some sort of peachy, apricot, salmon. I've never seen that color before. And your jacket is exactly the opposite--some sort of weird greeny bluey color. But it looks good with the shirt. Those are actually great colors.
B: Okay good. Now tell me where you want to go.
BH: I don't care. Anyplace that isn't all gray like this. It isn't even a temperature. You'd think hell would be hot but this place isn't hot or cold or anything. Certainly not comfortable.
B: Bill. Bill. BILL!
B: What color are my pants?
BH: Like the jacket, only darker. And sort of -- sparkly. I've never seen fabric like that. It's not glitter or even metallic threads. It sort of shimmers.
B: Okay. Now Bill, tell me where you want to go.
BH: Some place where I can get some pants like that. I'd like to get some really neat clothes. Yours are a little over-the-top but I could look good in a darker shade of that greeny blue shimmery color.
B: What else?
BH: I want to go someplace where I can wear a suit like that and people can see me and think how great I look.
B: Who do you want to see?
BH: My wife. She's dead. But so am I. But I feel alive. If I'm alive I guess she must be too. And her parents. I liked them. Never knew mine. But it would be nice if I could meet them. Oh and all the old friends we used to hang out with. I'd like to be with everybody. Near the ocean. We had our wedding on a beach by the ocean. It was the greatest party ever. Music! All kinds of music. And food. Everybody brought food and we danced. I used to love to dance. In the evening we had a bonfire. I loved the faces of all my friends in the fire light and the sound of the ocean. Even though it was night it wasn't really dark because there were stars--millions of stars. I loved the stars and all the endless possibilities they seemed to promise.
B: Okay Bill, look up ahead. What do you see?
BH: It's sort of light. Like a bonfire way off in the distance. I hear voices and music.
B: Let's walk toward it.
BH: It's a party. It's a beach party. Everyone is there. They're making Smores and eating and drinking all sorts of wonderful things and laughing. I see my wife. Sarah! It's Bill. Can you hear me? She's waving. She's calling me. There's a world over there. It's a whole world!