The Zen of Ben

Dec 11, 2014 Wake-up pages.

H: I'm Henrietta. I'm in a place. It's gray. I can't see any... things. It's not frightening. It's just dull.
Me: What can I do for you?
H: I'd like to be someplace else/different.
M: Any place in particular? 
H: The house by the river. It belonged to my parents and my mother's parents. It was very old. 
M: You can recreate that house in the TSP.
H: I can't just go back to the house?
M: I think haunting is an option.
H: I wouldn't like that.
M: Ben?
B: After you go to the TSP you can go back and visit without using the energy of the inhabitants. 
H: That sounds very good. How do I get to the TSP?
B: I'll walk with you. Or we can take this canoe?
H: I loved canoeing when I was a girl. Let's do. Which way do we paddle?
B: Just follow the river.

Dec. 5, 2014 Wake-up pages.

LUKE: I'm Luke. I want to go to the place where my father is. 
ME: Where is he?
L: I think he is in Japan. He died in Japan.
M: Is he Japanese?
L: He is American. He died in WWII.
M: Soldier?
L: He was a missionary.
M: During the war?! 
L: He didn't leave. 
M: Okay.
L: I meant to visit his grave but I never did . I feel bad that I never visited his place. 
M: I'll call Ben.
B: HI Luke. I'm Ben.
L: Hello Ben. I feel like I can't leave and go to heaven because I never paid respects to my father. 
B: Your father is in the TSP. You can talk to him there. 
L: But his body is in Japan. 
B: He isn't using it. He left it there a long time ago.
L: So I can never say the things I should have said to him.
B: Just go to the TSP and say it. He's there. 
L: What is the TSP?
B: The Timeless, Spaceless place. It's where we go when we leave our three-dimensional bodies.
L: I thought we go to Heaven. Or Hell if we're bad. I think I'm going to Hell.
B: Because you didn't visit your father's grave?
L: That, and because I'm gay.
B: Oh then, you really don't want to go to Heaven.
L: What? Of course I do.
B: Have you seen what they wear there?  Those long white robes are all off the same rack. Not a Gucci or Armani or couture in the lot.
L: You're making fun of me.
B: And, oh dem golden slippers! Fine for the ladies maybe, with the right outfit, but, seriously, would you be caught dead...?
L: Stop that. I'm very sad and you are making me laugh. It isn't right to laugh when you are facing eternal damnation. 
B: Luke, people tell stories to explain things they don't understand. And they make up rules about the stories to control people so they don't get too out of hand. 
L But my father sacrificed his life to take the gospel to people who were in despair.
B: That's good. The Christian Gospel teaches the sacred worth of every human being and that we must do unto others the way we want them to treat us.
L: Yes. 
B: That is very important in societies where people don't recognize the worth of other people.
L: Yes, women and children live horrible lives when they are bought and sold like commodities.
B: Right. And missionaries have made a big difference in places where weaker people are at the mercy of predators.
L: That's right. I'm proud of my father's work.
B: And how is the Christian Gospel working out for you?
(pause)
L: I thought if I prayed enough and tried hard enough I'd be delivered from temptation.
B: Not happening?
L: I was so sad. I sinned and I couldn't stop. 
B: So? 
L: I didn't kill myself. Not on purpose. But I couldn't sleep and I guess I forgot how many pills I took. And I shouldn't have been drinking. But it was wine. Jesus drank wine. He drank real wine. They didn't have any way of refrigerating grape juice. 
B: Luke, tell me what you want.
L: What I want?
B: Like if you could start over -- a new life. 
L: I would want to be straight. Normal. Like my dad. A regular guy.
B: Really?
L: No. I really liked who I was. But I want it to be okay to be me. I want to be someplace where it isn't a sin to feel the way I do.
B: You know, in the TSP you create your own reality.
L: Things are the way they are.
B: Actually you create your own reality here too. But it takes longer. And what you want gets scrambled up with what other people want you to want.
L: I want what I want to want.
B: What's your favorite ride?
L: When I was in Italy -- foreign exchange student -- I had a neat little Vespa. So cute. I had more fun; met more guys. 
B: Oh look! Is this a Vespa?
L: Ha! It looks just like Hal.
B: And I have Hal's little brother. Want to take a ride?
L: Where will we go?
B: It's kind of dark here. Do you see any light?
L: I do. Yes. Up there. I thought it was a star but it's getting bigger.
B: Let's go there.
L: Okay. I'm tired of sitting in the dark. 
B: Here we go! Wheeeeeee!
L: Hey, look up there. That's my dad. 
B: Where? 
L: Straight ahead. He's waving!
B: Sure enough. Hi, Luke's Dad!
L: Omigosh, check it out! 
B: What ? 
L: His suit. It's Armani!

It must be Russian Week in Wake-up Pages Land. 
Nov. 26, 2014

L: I'm here. I'm Lenin
Me: Lenin?
L: I'm the Lenin of Russia. 
M: Vladimir Lenin?
L: It's me the leader of Soviet Russia.
M: How can I help? 
L: It's not easy being HERO.
M: No, I don't suppose it is. I don't really know much about you.
L: I freed my people from the Czar.
M: I guess a lot of people were grateful.
L: Ha.
M: So where are you?
L: I'm in a dark gray endless SONOGRAM.*
M: What?!
L: It's endless. There is nothing here that anyone can see or touch.
M: Why are you there?
L: Because I am waiting to be born.
M: I'd better call Ben.
B: Hi. I'm Ben. 
L: I'm Vladimir Lenin. That isn't really my name, but Donya can't write my real name. You know who I am. 
B: I do.
L: I want to be born and start over.
B: You can't do that from here. You have to move on to the TSP.
L: Why?
B: You wouldn't be here if you weren't holding on to something from the past.
L: I'll let go.
B: Okay. Let's go to the TSP.
L: Is it going to be as bad as what I did to the people who followed me?
B: What do you mean? 
L: I knew it would be bad. But I believed in a new era of freedom.
B: Things don't always work out, do they?
L: I didn't mean to make it worse.
B: Why don't we move on to the TSP and see how your team mates are doing. 
L: Team mates?
B: You didn't do it alone, did you?
L: I was responsible. I was. 
B: You were highlighted in a moment of catastrophic change. But you didn't cause it. You grabbed your board and surfed the tidal wave. You are far more egotistical than you should be if you believe you caused or could have prevented all the changes that took place in that moment in history.
L: I know. But my body is in Red Square being the symbol of all those changes. I'd like to be buried like a normal person. Everyone loves or hates me to excess. 
B: You lived a larger-than-life life.
L: I did. But I'm tired of it now. 
B: I suspect that if you go home and quit haunting your tomb...
L: You think that's what I'm doing?
B: I think you are soaking up energy from the visitors and letting them keep you alive. 
L: Yes I am.
B: Go home and let your memory fade.
L: Will they forget me?
B: Is that what you want? 
L: I don't want to be forgotten. But I'd like to be remembered softly, as part of the picture, not the focus.
B: Come on. I'll take you to the TSP.  And the people will let you rest. 
L: All right. I'll leave my body for them and I'll take my spirit to the Timeless, Spaceless place.

* I have no idea why he used that word.

Wednesday's (12/3/14) Wake-up pages visitor was Clever. That's his name.

C: It's a silly name, but it's mine.
Me: What can I do for you, Clever?
C: I need help finding my tractor.
Me: Your tractor?
C: Yes, I lost it. 
Me: A real tractor? 
C: Yes Ma'am. It was a John Deere. I need it to do my plowing, planting, discing, rowing. (?) I need it to do my work.
Me: You're a farmer?
C: I surely am.
Me: How did you lose your tractor?
C: I was driving it and I was-- I was-- I-- I was driving the tractor and I stopped. I wanted to walk to the house and I fell down. And I couldn't get up. And then I saw the tractor over there but I couldn't touch it. Like it was a ghost tractor or something.
Me: I don't think it's the tractor that is the ghost.
C: Oh. I am. I'm a ghost? Dead? Oh doggone it. That makes sense. I'm dead.
Me: Do you think you can move on now? 
C: I'm not even sure where I am.
Me: What do you see?
C: I can't see anything. It's almost like the back room at the general store where we used to play cards of an afternoon. So filled with smoke you could barely see your cards.
Me: Is it smokey where you are?
C: More like foggy. Doesn't satisfy like cigar smoke. It's just gray and gloomy.
Me: You need to move on to the Timeless, Spaceless Place so you can start over. 
C: I don't want to start over. I want to finish what I started. I bought a brand new tractor. I need to make the final payment on it. Don't want Helen and Steven to have to deal with that.
Me: Wife and son? 
C: Fine woman. Good boy. At least most of the time. 
Me: I'll get Ben.
B: Hi Clever. 
C: Howdy Ben. 'Scuse my appearance; I seem to be dead.
B: Don't worry about it. A lot of great people are dead.
C: I suppose you're right. 
B: Want to cross over? 
C: Well, I'm sure that would be fine but I'm worried about leaving my wife and son with that tractor to pay off. I don't want it to be repossessed. They're going to need it.
B: It's all right. Your neighbors have taken up a collection to pay it off.
C: Seriously? Why would they do that?
B: Oh you know. They're your neighbors. They're concerned about your wife and son. Apparently you're widely respected in your town. 
C: Well I've always tried to do right by everybody. Lend a helping hand when I could.
B: You and that tractor have quite a reputation. Apparently you plowed more than a few acres for friends who needed help. And I heard something about rescuing a horse that got trapped in a mud hole.
C: Lands yes! What a day that was. Poor old Lefty.
B: Lefty? The horse?
C: Silly name for a horse. But we got him out of that hole, none the worse.
B: These folks don't want your family to lose that tractor. Besides, nobody seems to like the guy who sold it to you. They don't want him to get it back.
C: Ha! That's the truth, ain't it? The man's a shark. He'd repossess his mother's teeth if he got the chance.
B: So it looks like your tractor is safe and you can move on to the TSP.
C: Are you talking about Heaven?
B: Not just Heaven.
C: Oh good. I'm a God-fearing man and I read the good book but I don't care much for the prospect of living in paradise with nothing to do. It would be like being in church all the time.
B: I know what you mean. An hour or two of that was about all I could ever take. 
C: So I could go someplace else? But not hell?
B: Sure, you can create whatever you want. The TSP is where all of creation happens. 
C: That sounds like fun. I've always enjoyed inventing things. 
B: This is your chance to invent a new life. 
C: Can I create a new life with Helen and Steve in it?
B: Sure can. You just have to focus.
C: Well dang, I sure know how to do that. Let's go.

Wake-up Pages 5:55 AM Oct 21, 2014.

B:  I'm Billy and I'm afraid.*
Me: Who's afraid?
B: I am. I'm Billy.
Me: Billy, what can I do for you?
B: I'm in a big place and I want to go home.
Me: How old are you Billy? 
B: I'm 65.
Me: What? I thought you were a kid.
B: I'm scared.
Me: How did you die?
B: I'm DEAD?!
Me: I presume. What do you remember?
B: I was in a white car.
Me: Driving? 
B: It was a limo. I was in the back. I was being kidnapped.
Me: Why? 
B: Because I'm famous. And because I was waiting to pay them for some work they had done.
Me: Why were you waiting?
B: I liked to make people wait.
Me: Did they kill you?
B: I guess so. I think they pushed me out of the car.
Me That doesn't seem helpful if they wanted money.
B: I told them I would never pay them. They didn't do it right.
Me: What didn't they do right? 
B: They were supposed to kill my son-in-law but they killed my daughter too.
Me: Okay. I'm going to get Ben.
Ben: I'm Ben. Hi Billy.
B: I'm going to Hell I suppose.
Ben: Nah. We don't do Hell. You go to the Timeless, Spaceless Place and create your next life.
B: Okay. I would like to see my daughter. Is she there?
Ben: She is. Waiting for you.
B: Really? That's great. No more gangsters?
Ben: Not unless you create them.
B: Okay. I'm ready. Which way?
Ben: Just ahead. There's a glow in the sky.
B: It's getting bigger. It looks like sunrise.
Ben: That's it. Walk toward it.


* Visitors who wake me up early will usually back off and leave me alone until I am ready to write my pages if I tell them to. This character evidently knew I have a soft spot for kids so he claimed my attention under false pretenses. 

October 28, 2014 Wake-up Paages

Me: Who is here?
G: I'm here. Gail.
Me: Gail?
G: I'm Gail. I'm your neighbor. *
Me: Gail H? 
G: I'm stuck because I miss my husband.
Me: I remember when you died. L. was devastated. 
G: I think he was trying to be----------**
Me: What? 
G: He lived a long time.
Me: Yeah? Do you think he was unfaithful? Or not sad enough?
G: I think he should have let me go sooner. 
Me: Let you die sooner?
G: No he should have let me go after I died. But he clung. He clung until...
Me: Until? 
G: Until I was too weak to move on.
Me: Are you willing to move on now?
G: Sure. I just don't have any energy. I wasted all I had trying to comfort him.
Me: And then when he finally turned his attention to another woman?
G: Yes. I'm suddenly without all the energy he had been pouring into me. Everyone else had moved on and I was stuck.
Me: I'll get Ben to help you.
B: Hi. I'm Ben. I'll take you to the Timeless Spaceless place. 
G: Hi Ben. I'll be glad to go. 
B: You're not even going to ask what it's like?
G: Why would I?
B: Other people do. 
G: It's going to be fine. I'll be fine. I'm ready to go. Take my hand please, Ben.
B: Take your hand? Of course. We'll walk to the beautiful new Next World together.
G: (to me) Thank you, Chrissie. I knew you were a good girl to live next door to.  A Good neighbor.


* Gail and her husband were nice people who lived next door to us when I was growing up.  She died when I was about 12.   Like all my family and close friends, she called me Chris or Chrissie. 
** This was a complicated thought that did not come through easily.  Ben says that she was trying to say something like "He was trying to be able to keep me with him and alive in his memory for the rest of his life."

October 29, 2014 Wake-up Pages

E: Hi. I'm ElRoy
Me: Elroy?
E: I'm ElRoy. I'm in a place where I can't find anyone or anything. I'm not in pain or starving. I don't even have to pee. But I'm not happy. 
Me: Do you know how you got there? 
E: I guess I just... Well... I... I don't know. It isn't anyplace I would normally choose to go. I like a little more action.
Me: What is the last thing you remember.
E: Lacing up my boots.
Me: Combat boots.
E: How did you guess?
Me: Well, we can be pretty sure they weren't cowboy boots. 
E: Ha! I left those at home. 
Me: Did you die in combat?
E: I was on R and R. In the city. 
Me: Visiting a young woman? 
E: She's a prostitute but a sweet gal.
Me: Did she kill you? 
E: Hmmm. No, I don't think so. 
Me: How did you die? 
E: I was sick. I was throwing up. My heart stopped.
Me: Poison?
E: Yeah. Must have been. Damn. The food. Someone brought it up from the kitchen. 
Me: Someone tampered with it?
E: Yeah.
Me: Who would do that?
E: I'll bet it was R. 
Me: Who is R?
E: A guy in my outfit. He had the hots for Queenie.
Me: The prostitute? 
E: He was pissed that I got there first.
Me: He was jealous?
E: Oh Lord, was he jealous! He didn't want anyone to have her but him.
Me: That's kind of unrealistic, considering her profession. 
E: Tell me about it. But I think I especially pissed him off. She liked me. He saw us laughing and fooling around before we went upstairs. 
Me: Why are you still here?
E: I don't know. I can't very well go to Heaven. And I sure don't want to go to Hell. I always assumed that when I died I would be dead. I figured I would be buried in a hero's grave and be unaware of all the tears being shed on my behalf, yet somehow carrying with me the thanks of a grateful nation. 'Course I didn't plan on dying in a, ahem, resort. Struggling to put my boots on. I mean I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't AWOL and the Palace of Shangri La was not off limits. And I was just doing what all the guys do when they get some time off. 
Me: But? 
E: It's not exactly the sort of thing you want your girl friend or your mother to know about. And it's not exactly dying heroically in battle. Queenie might think I deserve a medal but I don't think the Army will.
Me: I think I'd better get Ben.
B: I'm Ben. Howz is going?
E: I'm dead and I'm not a hero. 
B: Well, you certainly could have been.  It's just timing. But cheer up. Your friends, the staff and management of the Shangri La Palace, have added another service to their already extensive list. They smuggled your body out of the building and into a truck and drove it to a deserted road. They shot it full of holes with an appropriate weapon and left it in the road. Officially you were ambushed by enemy fire.
E: No kidding. Those guys are the best. But isn't this cheating?
B:  You've been a hero before and you will be again.  No point in nitpicking time and place. 
E:  I wish I could do something to thank them. 
B: Having your body out of their establishment where it can't cause a scandal or an international incident is all the thanks they need. You can send them greetings from the TSP if you want to. 
E: Really? My folks too?
B: Sure. Once your'e back in the TSP you can do all sorts of things. 
E: Okay. Which way is the TSP?
B: See that light over there? March straight toward it.
E: Yes sir! I'm ready for the next exciting episode.


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