Wake-up Pages Oct 2, 2014
J: I'm Julius. I want someone to help me.
Me: What kind of help?
J: I want The Big Book in the sky to have my name in it.
Me: The Big Book?
J: The one that says you can get into Heaven.
Me: Why do you think your name is not in the book?
J: I'm not washed in the blood of the Lamb.
Me: I think that's a metaphor.
J: I think it's the gospel truth.
Me: Then why aren't you in the Book?
J: I was a faithless believer/unbeliever.
J: It didn't make sense-- all those silly stories about animals on an ark, a big fish that swallowed a prophet and barfed him out. And a virgin birth! It was so silly.
Me. It's not silly now?
J: It's still silly, but I guess it must be true because I'm not in heaven.
Me: What if there isn't a heaven?
J: I'm not going anyplace that isn't heaven.
Me: Ben, want to talk to Julius?
B: Hi Julius.
J: I'm not in the Book.
B: Sure you are. Look. You're right here.
J: Wow. I am. That's me. Photo ID and everything. Wait. It must be a forgery.
B: It is not. I wrote it there myself.
J: Can you do that? You can't do that. It's The Lamb's Book of Life.
B: Ever see me after I had a perm? Woolly little lamb I was.
J: Stop that. I'm talking about my eternal salvation and you are treating it like a joke.
B: Okay. Listen. Do you remember when you thought girls were icky.
J: Ha. Yeah. Silly kids. We boys said all girls had cooties even though we didn't know what a cootie was.
B: Right. So you weren't talking about literal cooties, just something you and the other boys could rally around and shout at the girls.
J: "EW, Jessica has cooties!"
B: Do you remember when you discovered that girls offered greater possibilities than you dreamed of when you were in 4th grade?
J: Oh Yes!
B: Did you ever figure out that Jessica didn't have Cooties?
J: I hope so. I married her.
B: So is it possible that there are other things that exceed what you were led to expect based on inaccurate reports?
J: Like what?
B: Like Heaven and Hell. Two extremes, neither very attractive to normal people. And neither very believable to people of normal intelligence.
J: You got something better?
B: What do you think would be better?
J: Well some place you can get together with your loved ones who have died and they wouldn't be dead any more. Maybe you could make up with people you had fights with if they weren't too jerky. Someplace where there's stuff to do, not just sitting on a cloud all day playing a harp. I want to play the saxophone. Always wanted to. But my parents didn't have money for lessons. And by the time I had a job I was too busy. But there should be all kinds of music. And places to go and things to explore. Heaven sounds boring in everything I've heard about it.
B: So you would rather have what you described?
J: Who wouldn't?
B: You can go there any time you want.
J: So how come I'm not already there?
B: Because you have been focused on getting to a heaven you really don't want any part of instead of what you really want.
J: I didn't know that what I want is an option.
B: Always has been. In the Timeless Spaceless place.
J: What is that?
B: It's anywhere outside of the three-dimensional reality we experience in physical bodies.
J: Then I must be there now. I'm outside of my body.
B: That's right.
J: Then why does everything look like the inside of a vacuum cleaner bag?
B: Vacuum cleaner bag?! With dirt and dead bugs and stuff?
J: No. A new empty one. But you still don't want to be there. No future, you know?
B: Oh. Well it looks like that because you haven't been thinking about where you want to be. You have been torn between hating it here and not really wanting to go to heaven.
J: So are you going to tell me to go to the light?
B: Or you could just bring the light here.
J: Hey, there's light. I see things.
B: What do you see?
J: I see a Ferris wheel. A huge one like the one at the beginning of Sherlock on TV.
B: The Eye in London.
J: I've always wanted to ride on that. I wish my wife could ride on it with me.
R: Why don't you invite her?
J: Wow! There she is! Jessica! Hey Jess!
October 8, 2014 Wake-Up pages.
J: I'm Jeremy
Me: How can I help?
J: I think I lost my ring.
Me: Your ring?
J: It's gold. It's my wedding ring.
Me: How did you lose it?
J: I think it... I don't know.It couldn't just fall off. It's pretty tight. I must have taken it off when I... I don't know.
Me:What do you remember, Jeremy?
J: I remember being at a dance. In a nightclub.
Me: With your wife?
J: No. My wife stayed home. I was having an affair. I forgot about my ring so I put it in my suit pants pocket.
Me: And then what?
J: I was in the bathroom? I was sitting on the toilet? The ring fell out of my pocket? That doesn't make much sense does it? I didn't put the ring in my pocket. I left it on the sink in the restroom.
Me: You put the ring on the sink.
J: I went back to get it. A man was holding it. He said how much will you pay to have it back. I said he should give it to me. He said maybe he should give it to my wife. He said she would be interested in where he found it.
Me: A night club?
J: A gay night club. I told him to give the ring back. He said I should pay him. I said that was extortion. He said no, it was blackmail. He recognized me. I'm in politics and I couldn't have anyone knowing I'm gay.
Me: What did you do?
J: I pulled out my gun.
Me: You carry a gun?
J: Concealed. I'm licensed. But he was too.
Me: So what happened?
J: I suggested he return the ring and I would offer him a suitable reward.He was just about to agree when someone barged in and startled him. He fired. I think I did too.
Me: Is he dead too?
J: I think so. I haven't seen him. I really want my ring.
Me: I'll call Ben.
B: Hi. I'm Ben.
J: I'm Jeremy. I lost my ring.
B: I think it's time for you to go to the TSP and start over.
J: What do you mean?
B: You do know that you're dead?
J: Yes, but I still want my ring. I don't want my wife to know that I took it off in a gay club.
B: The truth is going to come out. Everything is revealed in the TSP
J: No I don't want my wife to know. I love her. It isn't her fault that I'm gay. And I needed men. Once in a while. She will be heart broken.
B: Jeremy, you and your wife both took on a challenge: you of being someone who doesn't fit, and she of loving someone who doesn't fit, in a society that doesn't easily tolerate people who don't fit. Once you get back to the TSP you will see the reasons for the lives you lived and you will feel a lot better about it all.
J: I can't imagine any reason for being incarnated as a closeted gay guy in politics in Alameda.
B: Alameda CA?
J: I'm in Florida.
B: Oh that's different. Alameda CA is pretty open.
J: I know. I wish I lived there. But still, I never meant to hurt Julie.
B: It's okay. Julie has her own job to do. Why don't you come on with me and I'll take you to the TSP.
J: I guess I have no choice.
R: You could stay here and whine about how horrible you were.
J: I can't get my ring?
R: Julie is going to want it
J: I wish it was all different.
B: That you were straight?
J: Not really. I liked being gay.
B: That you hadn't married Judy?
J: I really do love her.
B: That you hadn't gone into politics?
J: I love politics.
B: Why don't you try it again. Perhaps in a more accepting time or place.
J: Can I do that?
B: In the TSP all things are possible.
J: I want to help the world be better and kinder to people like me and Julie. And even that guy in the bathroom. He was acting out of desperation. I don't want people to have to be desperate.
B: Better get started. You are going to have to do some serious planning.
J: Okay. Let's get started.
I'm Donya. I write with and for and about Ben.